4 Steps For Doing It Scared

Deana Jean, Intentional Excellence Consulting LLC

Deana Jean is a Success Coach, Business Consultant & the Founder of Intentional Excellence Consulting LLC. She is also proud Breast Cancer Survivor & Brooklyn native. 

Through her work with IE, Deana empowers women executive leaders  and women entrepreneurs to get out of their heads and into action so that they can reap the abundance and success that they are destined for!

https://www.instagram.com/intentionalsuccesstribe/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/637217950162409

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcript : Vision In Word

Marlana: As founder of Intentional Excellence Consulting, Deanna Jean empowers Women, executive leaders, and entrepreneurs to get out of their heads and into action so that they can reap the abundance and success they're destined for. Welcome Deanna. 

Deanna: Hello! How are you? 

Marlana: I'm well, you know! Fear is an interesting topic to me. Because I feel that every time we go into unchartered territory for us or level up, or anything like that, fear kind of packs its own bag and wants to tag along for the trip. So, are there fears that you see that reoccur with people? 

Deanna: I do. So, the interesting part for me is that I really work specifically with kind of one group, and I work really, really closely with women who are very high achieving, right? So, these are the women who are always raising their hand for the extracurriculars, always the class mom, always the one volunteering for the extra thing. Always the one that everyone else goes to for help, for support, for encouragement, for advice. But when it comes to their own thing, my experience has been that these type of women kind of freeze and they get into this analysis paralysis. What I work with a lot of my clients on is, getting under kind of what creates that analysis, what's under that layer of, “I can't do this until it's completely perfect”, and what I found most often is that fear is the most consistent thing, is different types of fear. But it's always some type of fear. So, a lot of times what I'll see is that the fear comes from always feeling like everything has to be perfect and feeling like in many instances, there's imposter syndrome, and there are limiting beliefs, and the feeling that they may be found out that all of these ideas that all these people have on them, the way that they may be on a pedestal, that one day somebody is going to realize that they are not as great as they think that they are. So that's a big part of what I see with a lot of the clients that I work with. 

Marlana: Interesting! And it seems that these types of fears occur in women, but not so much in men. 

Deanna: Hm! Very, very true. I've done a lot of research on this and kind of investigation and a lot of market research on this. What I found is that as a society, in the society that we live in, right? I'll use our Western culture. Men are conditioned to do it right, it's like their birth right to ask more questions, to assume that the only reason that they don't have it, is because they haven't taken it, not even asked for it, but taking it right, and that everything is always up for negotiation. As women, we are not, even in your strongest household, right? There can be a lot of excitement around women's empowerment, still, there are cues that we get that tell us that we should ask instead of taking, that we have to make room, that we have to be considering when we're thinking, “how is this going to make someone else feel? If we have more, does that mean someone else has less, and is that okay?” It becomes a selfish thing. So oftentimes, it's almost like a reprogramming, and I speak to these experiences. So candidly, and in such a transparent way, just because these have been my experiences as well, I found that as women, there's so many differences that we can look at, and that we can figure out and ways that we can isolate ourselves. But I find that that is a common thread across women, that a lot of times we're battling with that. So, yeah, I see it a lot. 

Marlana: How much of it do you think is imposed by society, and how much of it is self-imposed? 

Deanna: It's a great question. I think that the societal norms create kind of the self-imposition, I think that the societal norms are where it starts, but those societal norms for us always, also, tell us how we should be thinking about things. I think it also comes back to just some of the subconscious things, subconscious marketing. All those things create the type of thoughts In the thought process that we participate in, right? So, as an example, in high school, I had a single sex education, I went to an all-girls school. That was very, very strong on women's empowerment (girls), women can do anything, right? Going into that school and going into that situation, I found myself to be a confident young woman. I had very good grades, I was able to speak well, I was able to make very strong and intentional connections. But the environment that I was in, in a cued school versus the environment that I was in in that single sex school, the environment was actually what made my thoughts change around what was possible, because there was evidence of it. I didn't have to consider and think about in my head, the fear of raising my hand inside of the classroom and thinking about if I was going to be ridiculed, or if I was going to be looked over, if I was going to be talked over, because we were all women in the classroom. So that fear didn't exist as much because it wasn't present. I think that actually allowed us to be able to have a different thought process that triggered us to be thinking about that differently as we grew in those very, very formative years, so that when we were put back into environments where there were men and women, folks that identify as men and folks that identifies women together, our thought process was still the same as it had been back in that school, because we had evidence of the fact that we were smart, that the things that we said mattered. But oftentimes, the hardest part about fear is that it is more prevalent in our heads than it is in real life. Right? Fear is really, false expectations and false ideas that actually appear real, and most of the time, they're in our head. So, the way to diminish fear, I talk to my clients about is actually not to say, “I'm re” and to do things that make you brave, but it's actually action, it’s just doing something, it's putting one foot in front of the other, because when you're in action, it's hard to be focusing on action in fear at the same time. So, if you require yourself to consistently be in action, first of all, it diminishes the fear because you can't think about both at the same time, and you have both the same type of energy, but every time you take action, you are actually creating experiences that debunks the fear that was in your head. 

Marlana: Hm! 

Deanna: So, I think that the two, they play a hand in one another. 

Marlana: So, I know that you have forced four steps to doing it scared, so talk us through them. 

Deanna: Yes, yes, yes! So doing it scared for me, again, I work with a lot of these women. A big part of the reason why they don't move forward in life is because they are really, really fearful of getting into action. So, there are three things that all of my clients before we even work together, because the work that I do is very… you know! Get into action. We uncover things, and we spend time understanding why we act the way that we do. But once we began working together, we're in action. So, there are three commitments that everyone has to make before they can work with me. The first is that they have to commit to the idea that done is better than perfect, that whatever it is that they're going to do, instead of staying in their head and trying to get it perfect. Getting it done is better than making it perfect. Why? Because by getting it done, you're going to learn how to do it again. The second thing that they have to commit to is that they actually have to believe that you cannot make progress, in the process that you don't participate in. They really and truly have to believe that if you don't believe that, then you can't get into action, but when you think about the idea that, “okay! If I want to get closer to perfect”, or “if I want to improve, I actually need to physically, intentionally be doing something right, in order to make progress.” And then the final thing, which is always the hardest for the women that I work with, is that they have to commit to giving themselves grace. And gotta give yourself grace. Because if you don't give yourself grace, you're not even going to begin the process, you're going to be looking for that perfection. And a lot of times this resonates with women, because I typically say to them, you should give yourself the same type of grace that you extend to others. And that usually is a light bulb, right? So those are the three commitments that we make. Then, we talk about getting into action and it's called Firing How You Fire - the Strategy is Ready, Fire Aim. The first way that you fire is that you have to make sure that whatever goal it is that you're working on, whatever thing it is that you're trying to do, that you have to make sure that there's clear what around it right? So, like your goal, whatever you're setting, has to have really actionable milestones. A lot of times we can't get into action, because what we're thinking about is so aspirational, right? I want to make a million dollars, right? I want to be in a loving relationship, versus thinking about the actionable things that we can actually do to get closer and closer. Also, the way that we can be able to get low hanging fruit that allows us to feel that success, right? So, the what, when you're creating that clear what and why, and what has to be clear and has to be actionable. And then the why, this is the key, the why behind whatever you're doing, has to be stronger than your fear. That's the only way that you can get into action with it, right? So, if you're saying, “All right! I want to start my own business”, right? And you're fearful because you're saying, “a first-generation entrepreneur like me?”, right? “No one in my family has ever run their own business, I don't have my MBA, I don't have the pedigree of an entrepreneur”. And let's say that the why that you are telling yourself of why you want to do this is because you want to make more money, for many of the women that I work with, that's what they'll say, but their making more money is not strong, and in the fear of failure around them not being a successful entrepreneur, because you can get another w two job and make more money. And have more security than you would as an entrepreneur, right? So, what we do is we dig under the layers, you have to get to the why that is greater than your fear. Most of the time, it comes down to things like, being able to have freedom of time, feeling like they are valued for what they bring to the table. That's step one, that largest step one is creating the clear what. Know why you're what has to have really actionable milestones, and then your why has to be great. The second thing is that you have to identify for yourself in order to get into action, what your zone of genius is, and you have to actually lean into that. So, a lot of the women that I work with, they take their gifts for granted. And they take them for granted because they come easily to them. Right? A lot of times the things that come easily to us were like, yeah, “that's just something that I do, I never… that's just who I am. That's how I was born”, right? And they don't attach a value to that. Oftentimes, we don't realize that the gift that we have, that's been embedded inside of us, there are people who pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to try to do the thing that we do, because they don't have that gift. So, we have to clearly identify what our gift is, and be really, really clear about communicating it. That second step is important because by identifying your gift and being able to communicate it, it actually gives you so much confidence. And it helps you to understand how to be working in that zone of genius, how to be doing that thing. So, for me, one of my gifts is the gift of connection. So when I decided that I was going to launch my business, I used my gift of connection in order to be able to launch my business, if I would have tried to launch a business by fundraising, that didn't require connections, what if I would have tried to launch this business, by just doing a bunch of research or trying to follow someone else's model versus using my gift of connections? It would have been disingenuous, and I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. So, second thing is that you have to lean into your gift, because your gift is the thing that you love to do. Even when it's really hard, if you're walking in your gift, you're still going to push forward, you're still going to enjoy it. So, step number two is walking in your guests. The third thing is identifying and leveraging your gaps. This is hard. Because these are the things that actually for many of us as women that completely stopped us, right? We're like, “oh! You know, I don't do digital marketing. I'm not great with numbers. I'm not cool with my words. So, because of that I can't possibly do this thing.” Here's what transformational about this, this framework, is that in our instance, your gaps, the things that you don't do well or don't enjoy doing, actually become your superpower. 

Marlana: How is that?

Deanna: Oh, yeah, she's like, “how do you do that? How?” Because those are the things that you actually need to build what we call a success tribe around right? So, for me when I was going to become an entrepreneur, I knew I did not enjoy, I did not like it. I was not good at digital marketing and putting all the pieces together. In one scenario, I could have said, “alright! Well! Every business on my hands I have all these pieces, so if I don't do this, well, I can't be a good business owner.” But what I did is, I use my gift of connection. Okay, I'm using that to find and build authentic relationships with people who are really good at that and loved it, and it was their zone of genius. So, by me now finding those people, building authentic connections with them, bringing them into my tribe, now, I've actually found an opportunity to bring people in, that love doing this. So, I'm giving someone else an opportunity to kind of live and own their zone of genius, but I'm also freeing up time for me to work in mind. As business owners and as women, a lot of times we don't like to delegate things, when we have our hands on everything, 

Marlana: I think we're also taught that along the way that we need to be able to do everything.

Deanna: And you have to do it yourself, right? You know, my mom and my aunts (God bless them). They come from a generation of “you clean your own house”, you make all the meals, and you work too. You don't have people come in and do that stuff. It's a different world that we live, in a different time. So, being able to build a success tribe that allows for you to be able to find and understand the things that really, really and truly are, your zone of genius, but allowing others too working with yours, is super, super helpful. And it's empowering.

Marlana: It’s almost like building your own board of directors so to speak. 

Deanna: That’s exactly what it is. That's what I tell people, your success tribe is like your own personal Board of Directors that just opens up all types of opportunities, right? And then step four, final step is executed, often execute the best way to the ministry or members to get an action. So, I can't just do it one time, you got to do it as a session many, many, many times. Why? Because that's the only way that you can lean into done is better than perfect. Because every time you know, you're going to be able to get better at it. That's really the only way you can lean into giving yourself grace, because you know that you're learning. So, the next time you can get better at it. You have the receipts; you have the data. So, the four steps to get what and why. You also want to make sure that you identify and that you really, really lean into and leverage your gifts. You want to identify and lean into your gaps and deploy what we call your success tribe to support those areas that you're not as strong in as them having limiting beliefs around them. And then finally, you want to execute off them. So those are the four steps, those I love that max. 

Marlana: Love that, and I think too, sometimes it forces us, or at least it should force us to look at our business not as a static thing, but as a fluid thing that keeps morphing and changing. And each different level will require something new from you, and a reassessment of what you're doing. 

Deanna: Absolutely reassessment! New team members, new ideas. You know, a lot of the women that I work with, when they come to me, they're either executives that are starting their own businesses, or they are women who have started their own businesses, they may be first generation entrepreneurs again, like myself, and now it's time to scale. And that for them is actually more fearful than starting a business. It's like, “Alright! I did this thing, Was it a fluke? I have this thing; I'm working for myself.” And you know, I have a coach who says, “for an entrepreneur, a six-figure salary is like an entrepreneur's poverty, right? Because if you make six figures and you're working for someone else, you have your benefits, you have your paid time off, all those other things, but all the expenses that go into being an entrepreneur, if you're at six figures, don't get me wrong, you have a business. But what you get to take home, and what you get to bring out of that is diminished, right? The only way that you can get to that six-figure profit line, which is where we want all entrepreneurs to be able to be in my business, is really by having a scaling model that requires you to get into action, and to lean into your fear. 

Marlana: Hmm! It’s interesting too, because in what you said, in my personal experience is that I don't really know any entrepreneurs that have become entrepreneurs to because they thought they were going to make a gazillion dollars. Usually what happens is, they get into doing whatever they do because they want to make a difference somehow or they want to change something, or they want to impact something. And it's usually never about the money, the money. Obviously, you have to have if you're not making money, you're not in the business but so that's a necessity, but it's usually never the prompt.

Deanna: It's not the prompt, right? But at the end of the day for many people being able to establish sustain an income that is at least commensurate to what they were doing wherever they were before, because everybody remembers, I work with a lot of first-generation entrepreneurs, so many of them, they are ones where, you know, they have families, depending on them that are extended family. They have obligations. 

Marlana: Right! Sometimes also become the validation for what you're doing. 

Deanna: Absolutely! I think so. Think about how we are as a society, how the commercials that we see… if you have more, then you are greater, you can give more, you can do more, right? And at the end of the day, again, I think it is less about like the actual dollar amount and more about the quality of life that you can create. To be honest, if you're the poverty line, the quality of life that you can create as a challenge, because there's so many emotional challenges and physical challenges that come with that. So, I work with a lot of women that understand that they want to be able to do something and lean into their gifts. But oftentimes, they say, “I can't do that, because I have two or three kids or, I have a family and our family is used to making a certain amount of money and we have these expenses. Your expenses don't diminish if you have kids at school, or loans if you have a mortgage, when you want to become an entrepreneur, those things don't go on pause, right this and that for many of the women that I work with is the main deterrent that prevents them from going, you know, leaving that mid six figure cushy C suite job that they kind of like that they don't hate, right? And saying to themselves, “well! You're gonna hate it, and it allows me to be able to live this life.” So, we look to be able to figure out where that balance and where that blend is, I believe that prosperity is our birth right. And that at the end of the day, when you are doing the thing that you love to do, that, even if people didn't pay you for it, you would still do it, that your earning potential for that is unlimited. 

Marlana: And I think too, we all have to realize that each one of us has a different view of what successes. And just because the woman sitting next to you, her view of success is a multiple six figure income that doesn't necessarily have your view of success. 

Deanna: Absolutely 100%, right! There's so many ways to get there. So, I just love being able to sit down with women and help them understand that there are so many different ways that they can get to where they want to get. First, we have to identify where that is. And a lot of times that's the bulk of the work. Because out again, I talk to these high-power women, you know! MBAs, doctoral candidates, folks who have their doctorate, and yes, am I right? Well, tell me, what is it that you want? Like, what would make you happy? What do you want out of this career? What do you want out of this work, and oftentimes, they'll just say the things that they're conditioned to say, and then once we start to do the work, and we start to peel back those layers, they're even surprised at some of the things that will come out? And then they realize, what I was making, 400 500,000, that was it. I never needed that much money. What I really wanted was the sense of security, and I can do that if I'm making this much. What I really wanted was validation of me being able to make a contribution. And you know what? I can do that in a more intentional way by running my own business, and doing it my way, right? So, at the end of the day, I think it's really about identifying what's most important to you, and not being afraid to get into action, and to do the thing that you want to do that burns inside of you. Even if it's fearful, I still put one foot in front of the other, and people will conspire to help you at every point in turn, will you open your eyes to things that are around you, and you stay super focused on that goal? 

Marlana: What do you feel about? Because Another thing I think that comes up is, sometimes we as women have to get over the fear of being able to dream and dream what we really want. Any thoughts on that? 

Deanna: So, I think that the fear of being able to dream is like the fear of disappointment, right? Well, if I dream, and it doesn't happen, my dream doesn't come true, then that means that I'm a failure, or that means that I'm not worthy. I'm unvalidated, right? One of the things that I really subscribe to and that I work with my clients on is understanding that it's so much more about the destination and the journey and that whatever it is that you draw to get yourself into action, don't be afraid of having that picture change and adjust. Remember, you can't make progress on a process, you don't participate it. But as you participate in the process, there are going to be different things that come up. My business even now it looks different than it did when I started it, I launched this business full time pivoted from corporate to full time entrepreneurship within a three-week period of time, just under two years ago. And what I envisioned my business to be when I decided that I was going to pivot, my w two, work to a full-time consultancy, is very different than when it looks like right now. Because the dream that I had at that point in time, was still very guarded, it was still within the scope of what I felt in my mind was possible because I had not gotten into action to realize what was out there to actually debunk some of the limiting beliefs that I had in my head. But every single step that I took in my business, every new client, every new peer that I networked with, and starting to surround myself with people, I realized every single day that that dream was getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And the crazy part is that the bigger it got, the more attainable that felt, which is like almost what you think will be the opposite. But I always say the best way to debunk fear, aside from getting into action is literally to look the thing that you're most scared of in the face, and do it every day for 30 days, to everything that 30 days, I work with women that say, “I want to run a business, but I'm scared of sales, my background is in sales.” I kind of fell into sales a little over 15 years ago, almost 20 years ago at this point. And realize that all sales are for me is about First of all, building authentic and genuine relationships, and helping people solve problems that they have not been able to solve on their own. It's an act of service. So, I work with women to help them understand that, but one of the exercises that we do this every single day for 30 days, they have to make an offer. And what this does is it opens things up for them. Because first of all, by doing it every single day for 30 days, you get to have a lot of creativity around what making an offer is at the beginning, everybody just starts with like, they copy and they're like, “hey! Do you want to buy this right? It has day four or five.” They realize that making an offer can be like posting something on Instagram with a call to action, a clear call to action, following up with someone that you connected with an offering the opportunity to join you. And after doing that for like 1015 days, they also realize that they've gotten some yeses. And the more yeses they get, the easier it is for the nose to roll off of their back.

Marlana: Right. 

Deanna: So, after doing that for like 15 days, they're like on it, and by the time we get to date 30 they're like, this is a habit, right? This is a habit, this is amazing! And then they're able to lean into the idea that sales again is building relationships, helping people solve problems. And when you do it in that way, you're not you won't come off as salesy hold, so that's a big part of it, too, for me. 

Marlana: So, If people take nothing else away from this episode, what would you like them to take away? 

Deanna: I want them to take away the idea that getting into action is really the best way to diminish fear, and honestly, to take away the free commitments. Anytime you're faced with something that scares you. In my mind, that means that the opportunity is big enough. So, just remember the three commitments, these things now, (done is better than perfect, you can't make progress on a process you don't participate in and give yourself grace). I have it written all over my office because I have to remind myself of it all the time. Those are the things I would like people to take away from this episode. 

Marlana: I love it. And with that, Deanna, I just have four final questions for you. First one is what's the best piece of advice you're ever given. 

Deanna: The best piece of advice that I've ever given is actually the three commitments that I just mentioned. You know, done is better than perfect, you can't make progress on a process that you don't participate in, and give grace, best piece of advice I was ever given. 

Marlana: Best piece of advice out there! Share with us one thing on your bucket list 

Deanna: On my bucket list? For me, Actually, I’d love to be able to go skydiving like really, really soon. I haven't done skydiving yet and that's a simple bucket list thing. 

Marlana: But it's funny because everybody that I have on the show, there are two things that are seeming to develop here. One is people want to skydive and the other is they want to visit Africa. So, I'm gonna have to get the two bunches together and let y'all go. Get together! 

Deanna: We're gonna skydive in the Serengeti, we're gonna, absolutely!

Marlana: When the toy companies finally get around to making a non-action figure view, what two accessories would it come with? 

Deanna: Huh! Mine would come with a huge heart, and mine would also come with an Armor of protection. 

Marlana: Hm! 

Deanna: yeah, with an old protection to protect everyone else. 

Marlana: Love it. And one last thing, if any of this resonates? How do people find you? 

Deanna: Oh! That's such a great question! I would love for people to find me on Instagram and Facebook. Instagram, I'm there under Intentional Success Tribe, and then we have an amazing Facebook group that is under the same name, Intentional Success Tribe. In there we have service-based entrepreneurs that are in there, and we're a community of connectors and collaborators focused on building authentic and genuine partnerships. So, those would be the two best ways to connect with me. I'd love to see you there and tell me that you saw this episode because that will be awesome to make that connection. 

Marlana: I love it. Thank you so much for that, Deanna, and thanks for being here. 

Deanna: Thank you so much, Marlana, this was great! This was fun!