A Naked & Afraid Spouse
Molly Harper
Heaton Real Estate/Sales Professional
Molly is also the spouse of Naked & Afraid All-Star, Wes Harper
I have been in sales for over 30 years, working in a variety of industries-Advertising, Pharmaceutical, Technology and Real Estate. I love working with people to find solutions to their problems. I am passionate about family - married with 5 children and two dogs. I am an avid lover of sports-playing and watching and enjoy being outside as often as I can.
heatonrealestate.com
www.marlanasemenza.com
Audio : Ariza Music Productions
Transcription : Vision In Word
Marlana
Molly Harper is a real estate professional who is passionate about her family and enjoys being outside as often as she can, something she shares with her husband, (Naked and Afraid all Star Wes Harper.) We've all seen him on the show, but today we will learn what goes into these experiences that we don't see and what is happening before and after the cameras roll. Welcome, Molly.
Molly
Thank you, happy to be here.
Marlana
So, it's my understanding that Wes's whole start of this experience was you're doing.
Molly
Unfortunately, that is true.
Marlana
So, tell everybody what happened.
Molly
Yeah, so be careful what you sign people up for. Wes and I were avid watchers of the show, we loved it and every week it got more intense with him adding invite and saying gosh, I can't look how dumb they are. They don't know how to start a fire, and there was just one evening, it just got to me and I said you know what you think you could do better. Let's get the laptop and so literally within 15-20 minutes we went through this fun little exercise of signing him. And hit submit and literally the next day middle of the afternoon he calls me and says you're never gonna believe this, but a casting company called me about the show, and I was like, Oh my gosh that's so great and everything was very exciting, and you know it took a little while for him to actually get on the first episode. It was about a year long. Commitment of a lot of different interviews and it was a lot harder than people think to get on that first time. But right then and there I knew that this was going to be pretty consuming in our life and that we were about to really jump into something we really didn't understand until this moment. So, it isn't my fault.
Marlana
The first time this process occurred, what surprised you about it?
Molly
I think what I was surprised about was how much he had to do in order to even get considered. They would send him things like you need 13 short videos. You need it first. There's the application you know. Then there were all these short videos that you'd have to do with regard to being out in the wilderness, and you know Wes is very creative, so he loved that he jumped in that he submits that and then next they would come back and say, OK, we have a 2 hour Zoom call that you have to have like production quality. And that's the next series. So, it literally took about 5 months for him to go through this process and then they fly him out to California for this psychological evaluation. He had never been to California. He was so excited. He never got to leave the room he was in. Sequestered in there. They ran him through a lot of you know, again, you have to go to your doctor. You get healthy all this, so it took about I don't know four or five months for him to even be considered as a participant on the show. I was very surprised. I just figured you signed up. I mean, how many people could be out there that want to do something crazy like this? Is my thought, you know? Just throw them out there and you go with it. But that first one was a very time-consuming experience, and it took quite a while.
Marlana
So, when it got down to it and you knew he was going, he had talked about walking around barefoot and all this kind of thing, what kind of preparation went in on your end?
Molly
I was just trying to maintain a kind of normalcy, you know, I think what a lot of people don't realize, and I would say every person at the level that Wes is at really spends a lot of time preparing for the show. So yes, he walks around barefoot. Of course, all the neighbors are like, why is your husband walking around barefoot. You know, he started to build fires in the back and so for me it was really just trying to keep things normal. We had quite a few kids at home. Still, you know with soccer, and we had homework and not that he was not helpful, he was. But everybody could slowly start to see that he was diving into this full-fledged, and so I felt like I just had to be the constant because none of us really knew what to expect. And you know he was changing a little bit because personally he's trying to get into this game mode and experience mode. I really wasn't sure what to expect. So, I just kept trying to be normal.
Marlana
Yeah, and if I remember correctly the first challenge was three weeks...
Molly
Yeah, to Brazil.
Marlana
So, well, he's gone. What happens on your end?
Molly
It's really hard. You know, it's not like your spouse is going on a business trip, you know? You're gone.
Marlana
Yeah, because you can't be in touch with him or anything.
Molly
No, not at all. So, you know the day before he gives the last phone call, and you know wish him luck and then it's like a game on. And you know, there's not a day that doesn't go by where I'm like, gosh, I wonder what he's doing right now, or I wonder what he's facing, and you know, you really don't know where they're going until like a week before, especially in the early challenges. So again, it was really more just staying with my normal mode of operation going to work every day. At that time, I was not in real estate, I was in IT and then just trying to handle, you know, all of the life things cause life doesn't stop, you know? He's over there and dealing with survival, which don't get me wrong is intense, but you know, your kids still have their little issues and their moments. They challenge you. I felt like they kind of challenged me to see if they could get away with things, and I'm definitely the easier parent. But it was really just staying focused and trying to get through and hoping I didn't get a phone call because I knew if I saw his phone number come through that something was wrong because there was just no way he would tap out. Because he couldn't do it.
Marlana
Now the challenge is over, and he comes home. What happens when he comes home?
Molly
Brazil was a very tough welcome home for him. He had done very well. He really struggled to get back into reality and what I say by that is one he'd lost an immense amount of weight. So, losing all that weight, with so much to your brain functions, so simple conversation. Simple decision making was very challenging, and it didn't take me long and I got kind of upset. Not with him, but that the process was so regimented to get him out there, the psychological evaluation. But as soon as they're done, they feed him a meal, put him on a plane and send them back home. And because this was his first time, it took a lot longer for him to reengage. I can remember him bashing like cell phone use that everybody has to use cell phones. All the time and what a simple life he had in Brazil. And there wasn't this interruption and you're always at somebody else's beckon call and I kind of found that interesting. There were nights that when we were in bed, he didn't know who I was, he thought he was still out there in the jungle, and he admitted that to me later. I mean he didn't do anything, but he was just like he would wake up, and go where am I? He slept in the bathtub, one night he literally slept out on the front lawn. All my neighbors saw him one night, just that disoriented, and you know again, after looking into it a little bit, I really think it's more like a lack of protein and so the brain gets impacted and just his like his desire. He loves his company. He loves our children and our family and there just wasn't that enthusiasm about it. It was very hard, it took a couple months for him to slowly get back into it, into where he was back to what I would say, before he went on the trip. And we talked about it a lot because it was so alarm to me, but you know, it was our first experience, and we didn't know any better. And so that's the stuff they don't really show you. And I have to say, I doubt it's just me that experiences that spouse comes back, just what they put their bodies through all the bites and the possible infections that they have. And it's really daunting when you first see them come back.
Marlana
Yeah, you know, it's funny that you mentioned all that too because I remember in a conversation that I had with him along the way, he said that the first time he came back, sleeping outside felt normal,
Molly
Yeah, just nothing felt normal about our normal life. You know even his look was a very glazed overlook and we went and had lunch with friends like right after he got home, and they were all kind of shocked because he was very distant. He couldn't talk about the show. It was a lot of sleeping, you know, just trying to try to get back into things and I can remember the kid saying to me what's wrong with him, is he OK? Is he gonna get better? And you know, I was like of course, he's just adjusting to life again. We have had a hectic life before. And going there for three weeks and focusing on nothing but survival, you know it's kind of hard to come back and really care about soccer practice and volleyball practice. And who's gonna get who were and put the perspective for him on what was really important.
Marlana
Right? All this happens and you experience all this, and then he wants to do it again. What was that like?
Molly
There were some tough days and months for us as every show that came back, and he wanted to go. Our life was getting less complicated. The kids were going to college, if that makes it less complicated. But I was very much against it. You know, I just was not the loving, supportive wife for many weeks prior to him going. You know, I was angry that this was such an interest to him and that he could go away from our family so easily. You know, that's how I perceived it and go do this. But then as it got closer, we had several conversations. I really realized you know the tough part about is, when you have a spouse that is so passionate something that you're not involved with to that to the degree they are, you can do two things. You can either support it as much as you can, or you can fight it and it can be really brutal because at the end of the day they're going to do that, and so I finally tried to turn the other cheek and be supportive, which was great. It did help out a lot. The problem is when you show that support. It also makes the other person feel like you're really interested, so constant conversations about all the time, all the time, about going. And you know, we really had to find the middle of the road. We had to figure out how he could, you know, be thrilled with what we're doing on a normal day, and then I can show support because the last thing I didn't want him to go on any of these challenges and mentally feel like he was letting me down or the family down. So that was my number one. I just thought there's such a mental part to this. Same as I, I never want him to feel like I don't want him to do this to the point that if he came home, I wasn't gonna be there and that was never ever going to be the case. So, it was a lot of give and take, I think on both sides and every challenge got a little easier. You know, I think we started to set a lot more parameters around things, but it was definitely not. I don't think it was my shining moment on, you know the white supportive of the year, but it was real and that was the hard part.
Marlana
You know, there's your side of it too, where here's this person that you love, comes home and is almost unrecognizable. And all of the things that you see, that have changed physically or mentally, and you don't want to experience that again.
Molly
Absolutely! Now, I think this is a part that I had to really hold myself accountable for. I mean, again, your husband is experiencing something. This group of people that nobody else is going to be able to understand and they formed this really tight knit group. And he always invited me to be part of the show whether it was getting on podcasts and getting on his, you know, Facebook lives and I always refused. Because that wasn't my life. That was his life and so selfishly I was jealous of the fact that he had all these great moments with people who I really didn't know. But it had nothing to do with me, and that's a hard thing. It's a humble thing to face. It just was one of those, again, not necessarily the shining moment for me to understand that. It's OK that they have a separate part of life, you know and that's things you have to work on because marriage is hard and it's you know you gotta work at it every day. Whether you have something like this involved or not, but yeah, I was always worried for him too. I mean because he was so mentally tough. I knew he would not just come out if he wanted to. You know, he would stay till they made him come home, and that was always scary too.
Marlana
Yeah, and you know, it’s things that you just said my brain goes in two different directions. The first one is because I have seen and have friends that their spouses are in the spotlight and in the limelight, and things like that. There's also that part as a spouse that people overstep boundaries. So, have you experienced any of that along the way?
Molly
Yeah, and us live in such a social media time, you know, and that's the other challenge. So, you know it's a fine line. I mean, I've talked to people that I've known forever who said I would never have let my husband or wife go on the show. They're naked with somebody they don't even know. So, you know I got over that part a long time ago because to me it's the show, is about the ultimate vulnerability, right? And that's what they're doing. But once you're on the Facebook stuff, I would say social media was a very hard thing for me to deal with. Obviously had lots of followers, lots of people. Coming in then they wanna invite me to their friends and I don't want to, I don't wanna get in the way of his getting more and more people, but I wasn't really wanting to be a part of what I was reading, what I was seeing. Never when we've been out. Has anybody really overstepped bounds? Please, but social media is a very tough thing when you're married.
Marlana
Well, it's easy to do when it's anonymous, you know?
Molly
Absolutely so then, no, you get a decision. Again, do you not participate? Do you just decline everybody? Who invites you to be friends? Do you not look at the post he's putting? But even that changes you. Know what's before the show? Never went on Facebook. Never really cared about social media after it became part of his life. And you know, it was like every other day doing posts and every morning, waking up and seeing how many people he had. So, it was really the social media aspect that again, I was not prepared for, and I really had to kind of figure out how to move on with what I'm reading with what I'm seeing, you know people would send them packages and you know all that goes back to communicating and you have to be talking to each other all the time, right? Never not a trust factor, but still people out there are. You know they will say what they say and social media gives them that platform.
Marlana
Right! Exactly! And you know the other thing that your last comment made me think of is, so when he comes home and he has burns and he has, you know, frostbite and all these kinds of things, how does that affect you?
Molly
It's heartbreaking. I mean, it's really, you know when he came home from Africa and that was such a tough one because he was in the hospital and I didn't know anything about it until he was back in the hotel and, you know, took him a while to get his system right and again, you're just watching and he has permanent scars. I mean, do you know the burns on his side from the capillaries being burned from laying too close to a fire? I mean, you're just in such shock that this is happening to somebody that you love so much and yet they want to keep doing it over and over again. I mean, these are elements that they can't control once they're out there, so it's very hurtful because there's nothing you can do. There's nothing at all you can do. Is just support and maybe recommend a doctor, once in a while, but he definitely has permanent scars on things that he's endured, especially burns. You know, the burns are those don't go away.
Marlana
Is it hard for you to watch the show?
Molly
It used to be hard for me to watch the show. It's not so hard now. I just think it's been I mean. It's been five years in our life. I mean, it's interesting to watch. He watched the show because he doesn't get to preview it. You all see it. We all see it together and. He does too, and he's super intense and he's all into the TV and you know, he's just like his focus is like crazy on it. But I don't think it's hard for me to watch it anymore. Of course we talk about things, and you know there are things I don't know what they put on there and he doesn't either. But you know, if I know he's made it then of course I know when there's something that says, oh, he may not make it. I'm like, I think. He yeah, I know. He does so he. Might have it, he might have this one in the bag. So, and now I've gotten to know some of the other people, I have gone to a couple of events and they are really great people. There's a personal connection when I watch it now, it does make me really appreciate what they all have the capability of doing because I could never do it.
Marlana
You know, you all have had a unique experience too, because it's not just Wes that went on the show well and went on the show.
Molly
Correct, yeah, totally different experience and you know it was Harper Waylon cuz when he came back Wes was gone. You don't know too that overlap of, like when they leave and when it gets shown. I mean, Waylon was hysterical. Waylon was all of a, you know, a 22-year-old who was right out there, saying this was the worst I've ever done in my life, and it was very hard. You know, I knew he would struggle. Waylon is such a people person. Wes is one of the amazing capabilities that Wes is when he goes out there, he can park mentally. Prizes and he tries to push everything personal out of his head and that's what helps him succeed. I mean, you rarely if ever, I don't think ever you've ever seen Wes go, gosh, I really miss my wife and kids today and he never ever says that at least on camera, we're Waylon.
It's funny though, because I remember talking to Jesse, his first yeah partner and she said that what you didn't see on camera was how much he talked about you. She said it was actually so endearing.
He told me that too when I was, you know, not having a great you know, time adjusting to him being back the way he was. You know he just said I wish they would send me all the films that they don't put on because I did. You know, because of course, you're like, oh, you out there, you forget about me, you know, and that's the first experiences until you start to understand. But where Waylon, he's such a heartfelt person. I knew he was going to miss his girlfriend. He can definitely survive. He's a camper. When he was a little kid, he was using knives and he's always hunted. So that part was not it. But I knew the mental part would be very challenging for Waylon.
Marlana
Yeah, I remember when I watched his episode thinking to myself. Yeah, this is the one. And done.
Molly
Yeah, you know everyone tries to entice. What about a father, son, and? And well, I'd be like. Yeah no, I love my dad. We can go camping anytime. I don't need to be naked camping with him. Yeah, I mean he's very funny and he's very honest. And I think that was refreshing, and I mean obviously his partner did a great job telling him off the ledge several times and I, you know, I think that that's the other part of it. Is that teamwork? There's so much that goes into that. So yeah, he enjoyed it. He's glad he did. It kind of check it off and be done with it so.
Marlana
But you know, it's interesting that you bring that up too, because I think it's teamwork on so many different levels.
Molly
Yes, it's teamwork.
Marlana
When you go out there and whoever you're with and rely on each other and feeding off one another and that. But it's also a lot of teamwork on you. Part with him. Before he goes, when he comes home, even when he's away. It's knowing there's that reliance and that support, that's huge.
Molly
Yeah, I mean, it definitely have to be kind. Set the expectations and you know after the first one, obviously we've got better at it. And you know, the last ones he's gone on, none of our kids are at home, so I actually found some of those harder because I didn't have as much going on in my life. Safe, you know, to keep me busy and preoccupied so I found myself thinking more about and what time would it be there, you know, wondering who he partnered with. It was definitely more challenging. I love our family, so when I love being busy, we have kids at home, and I keep that normal life. It was great so, I became very attached to my dogs. You know, we've moved to Lake Gaston, and so there were a lot of changes as you know, as we went on to the last one, it definitely takes teamwork. I always wanted him to go knowing whatever came up. I'm gonna have it handled and then we did have things came up. I mean, we had a daughter who got in a car accident, she wasn't hurt, but dealing with that and COVID it hit and all the kids came home from school and. He had no idea that that was going on and so life does go on, but I just always wanted him to go. I got it. It's no big deal. Enjoy yourself, have fun and see you in three weeks or see you in 40 days or so.
Marlana
Is that strength something that you had to cultivate, or is that something that you think you are?
Molly
I think I probably already had it. I mean when Wes goes into something, Wes is very involved. Traffic really, you know he spent hours running, swimming and not. To say he's. Very involved with the family, but he doesn't tend to get into something that's just a quick one and done. So, he was an avid runner. For a long time and then he did marathons. And then he did the triathlon. And then he did an Ironman and all those hours of training. And you know, he always tried to do it during the day, so it didn't come into family time. But I've always run a really like I'm the one in my brain that can keep everybody scheduled together. I live and die by schedules, and I've always been a multitasker. Even before Wes did anything. I mean, that's not really. His thing he's really good at one thing, but if I wake up in the morning, start telling him all this stuff we have to do. He's like, you know, hold on. Make some coffee and we'll get to it. So, I think when he left, it was just like the Molly mode. It was like I ran into it. I didn't have to run anything by him. I was making decisions and you know; I think that's just how I've always been.
Marlana
Yeah, what about the kids, how did they react the first time?
Molly
So, all of them were very different. You know, we have five and we're a blended family and like, a couple of them were like, yeah, that's awesome. Only was one of them was like this is so cool. Our oldest daughter was like what is he doing? How can he leave us for all this long and my two younger ones who've been through most of this stuff, actually were like that didn't have a lot of input. Like they weren't all you know Rah on Facebook. Look at my dad's done, but they were also the ones that were there every time he came home. And I will have to say they were probably the most impacted. So, when he wanted to go back again, I think they struggled with that and so they weren't always showing their support when he came home. They weren't asking lots of questions. Our middle daughter, Corey, she had tons of questions. She's a huge social media fan, she loves reality TV, so it was very unique. Every one of them was very different. They always wanted him to do well of course, there were a lot of why are you doing this? After the first one and then I think later on it became acceptance and complete support and admiration for what he was doing.
Marlana
What would you say to the spouse of anyone who wants to do this?
Molly
I would say be prepared for it. It’s not possibly being a one and done, I mean. There’s no denying. This has consumed our lives, for, you know, five years it has changed W into in a lot of ways and not bad. I mean, just more. Opening his eyes to what's out there and what he can do and social media platforms and it's spurred some creativity things on his side. But I would definitely tell people that you have to communicate. You have to set things up front when they're about to leave for that period of time and have expectations that when they come back there is going to be a period of time that they're going to have to readjust, and you have to back off. I'm not a back off person. I'm unfortunately in you, Face kind of hay, how you doing today, how are you feeling? OK, you know, and I really had to learn how to let him heal, mentally and physically, and when he was ready to talk to me and really need my help, then to show that, I would be there. That's what I would help people be prepared. It's not a quick reentry.
Marlana
Love it. With that Molly, I only have 4 Final questions for you.
Molly
Sure!
Marlana:
The first one is, what's the best piece of advice you were ever given?
Molly
Oh gosh, I've had a loss, but I think the best was that if I wasn't happy in something, I needed to make a change that nobody else out there would be that I should not hold anybody else accountable for my happiness and not to just sit around and complain about things but actually look at it and say, OK, this may not be working and sometimes those aren't easy decisions. But you have to be the one accountable for your happiness.
Marlana
Share with us one thing on your bucket list.
Molly
I would love to fly in a private jet somewhere like a tropical island. Just get the experience of being on a private airplane. I think that would be so amazing.
Marlana
When the toy companies finally get around to making an action figure of you, what 2 accessories will it come with?
Molly
It's easy, it would be a soccer ball and it would be 2 dogs.
Marlana
And the last one like you had mentioned in the beginning, you are a realtor.
Molly
Thank you.
Marlana
So how do people find you? And also, if you want to send them to the West page how do they find him too?
Molly
So, we obviously Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram. I work for Heaton Real Estate, so it's heatonrealestate.com. And of course, wharper@naked@nba.com I believe is his website, but you can usually find some books up there on me as well.
Marlana
Love it, thank you so very much for being here, Molly.
Molly
Thank you Marlana. Have a great day.