Rewriting Our Narrative

Michelle Kuei

Elevate LifeCoaching

Michelle Kuei is an international speaker, certified visibility coach, content marketing strategist, and author.  As the Founder of Elevate LifeCoaching, Michelle mentors women to use the power of storytelling as their secret sauce in attracting clients and turning their passion for coaching into a profitable business.

Clients who work closely with her start their coaching business confidently and courageously through Attract Clients Through Storytelling online course. They get clarity to the message and implement marketing strategies that are profitable and authentic.

In her book, Perfectly Normal: An Immigrant’s Story of Making It In America, Michelle shared her stories of Love, Courage, and Connection to empower her audience to let go of the imposter so they can make a more significant impact.

Michelle was born in Taiwan, Grew up in New York. And today, she lives in Los Angeles, California, with her short-hair orange tabby cat named ‘Toby.’

Website http://elevatelifecoaching.org

Instagram http://www.instagram.com/elevatelifecoach

Linkedin http://linkedin.com/in/michellekuei

Facebook http://www.facebook.com/lifecoachingbyelevate

Youtube https://www.youtube.com/michellekueispeak

Book Website: http://elevatelifecoaching.org/orderbook

a story archetype quiz to find out what story you are telling in your business

http://quiz.attractclientsthroughstorytelling.com

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision In Word

Marlana:

Michelle Kuei is an international speaker, certified visibility coach, content marketing strategist and author. As the founder of Elevate Life Coaching, Michelle mentors women to use the power of storytelling as their secret sauce. Welcome, Michelle.

Michelle:

Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

Marlana:

So why do you think we struggle so much with that, especially as women?

Michelle:

I think number one is there's a lot of limiting belief. As women, we have this idea of there needs to be a perfect image of who we are, and that perfect mi image is oftentimes shaped by, you know, what, what is outside of us and not really what's inside of us, right? So, we grew up watching these beautiful iconic figures on television, in the news magazines, and we started to kind of mimic or, or have a role model of, I don't know who your role model is, but you know, when I was little, I remember there's the singer, and I grew up in Taiwan. So, there's a singer and she's beautiful. She has cute little hair. She's dressed up all the time and she's just like, very, very iconic, very beautiful, right? And so I grew up thinking that is how every woman should be. That's how I shoot. I want to be. And so the ideal image that we ha grew up with really shaped our beliefs in adulthood and moving into a lot of things that we do. So, like for the health and wellness industry, people are jumping onto like juicing all these different diets, you know intermittent diet. Why? Because we're trying to live up to certain expectations that we believe are important to us. And so we really fail to look at what the beauty that we hold inside. If I were to look like I don't know, Kardashian, that's probably a bad example, but if I were to look like Kardashian, you know, the girl next door also want to look like Kardashian.

So, we're walking around looking all like Kardashian. But is that who you truly are? No. And you know, the interesting thing about it too is people don't seem to realize that even the models that we see in magazines don't look like the model that you see in the magazine. A lot goes into it, and I'm not saying that these aren't beautiful women, but a lot goes into it.

Marlana

I think, you know, when we look at pretty pictures or images, we forget that there's more than just a visual, right?

Michelle:

It's the level of confidence, how they stand out in public, the way that they talk. There are certain elements of the quality that we can see through the pictures.

But when you see them on television, where they're talking, when they're speaking, there's personality that shine through that image and that together becomes a package of what you know as the Kardashian. What's her name in Harry Potter? Harry Potter, Heron Harmonic. She's British, and she's beautiful. She's very elegant. Every time she stand on the podium, it is like there's a level of confidence that's coming out from her. So every image that we see of her on media, it's like, okay, I really like this woman. Why? Because you know her as a person, and you know how she speaks. So, there's that personality touch that you don't see. We don't recognize it just from looking at the pictures.

Marlana:

I wanna go back because I read your story about hiking Machu Picchu, and I feel like in that story you took control of your narrative because it could have gone a very different direction. So, tell us a little bit about that story.

Michelle:

Yeah, so the story actually before I talk about the Machu Petri, let's go back to us a little bit maybe too when I was 11 years old. A lot back. So when I was 11, I had a big car accident, and that car accident resulted in permanent damage. So, I am physically disabled. I am fortunately not paralyzed, but I do need to walk with crutches. So my entire adulthood, I've been walking with crutches and I'm only 44 inches tall. My legs are crooked, and every pair of my jeans, I have to bring it to a tailor to get a cin. So, growing up, I was nothing. Compare all the images that we see in the magazine on the television, cuz I don't belong anywhere. And when I was in my 40s it was hard to believe that, how long it takes for someone to, to recognize the beauty that's inside rather than outside.

It took me 40 years, well, 30 something years. So when I was 40, I woke up one day and I'm like, this is not the way I want to live the rest of my life, and I need to make a change. And so, I started into this fitness journey. Next thing you know, I decided to book myself a ticket, flew myself to Cusco, Peru, and I went on a Inga trail hike through 26 miles of Inga Trail to Machu Picchu. I spent four days in the mountain pushing down every step onto my crutches. And it was just a very, very physical endurance journey. It was the second day when I reached to the peak of Machu Picchu in the Inga Trail. It was at the Dead Women's Pass.

Marlana:

I wonder why they called it dead Women's Pass.

Michelle:

Cause by the time you make up there, you like, have gone <laugh>. So, the debt woman's pass is 14,000 feet above sea level. So there was a lot of pulmonary symptoms, you know, I had trouble with my hip breathing and I kept stopping. So, it was just a very physically enduring experience. But through that journey I started, it was just, cuz there's four days and I was just on that hike and every step, there's nothing else, there's no external noises. I had to really stay focused to make sure that I'm landing on the right steps moving forward. So, it was almost meditating to me. So there was a lot of that noise that was going on in my monkey mind, it started to quiet down. And so that experience was like, oh, I don't have to compare myself to others.

I can totally do this. If someone can hike Machu Picchu, so can I, if someone can go out to the mountain or go swim in the ocean, so can I. And so you started to see the ability of how when you put your mind, there's determination, dedication, the discipline. When you put all three of those elements into believing what you are capable of doing, there's nothing that you cannot accomplish.

Marlana:

It's interesting to me too, because I'm sure, and I believe I read this too that it took you longer to complete this trek. And your guide actually commented on that.

Michelle:

Yeah, he did. So the first day it was typically the iterary involves that any individual who hike it would take you about like roughly eight hours to hike. It's all ascending, all uphill’s going up to the peak. And it takes four days. So typically you spend like eight hours on day one through four. For me, on that first day, I didn't know what to expect. I had this passion, I had this enthusiasm, and there I was on the trail, but it took me a long time to hike. And so the whole entire time we had about 10 people who came from all over the world, complete strangers. And we were all on the same trail. So, there's 10 of us. And the whole entire time I was the last one, and along with me are these donkeys. There's donkeys on these trails carrying supplies and tents, you know, like utensils and there's donkey along this trail. So the whole entire time I'm behind the donkey, you know how donkeys travel already pretty slow. It's taking their time. I'm traveling behind the donkey. And so, the whole entire time I'm behind the donkey having a visual of, you know, the donkey's back.

And so, I know everything about donkeys dropping and, you know, all that stuff. It was pretty, pretty exciting for me from the view behind.

Marlana:

Yeah. And here's the thing, there are people that could have taken that and thought, you know, I'm going slower than everybody, I'm even going slower than the donkey. But the whole point is that here you are on crutches doing this. And what, not just physical strength, but what mental strength that takes to accomplish this. So to me, that's taking a story that could have gone, people could have seen one way and taken it one way and you rewrote it and made it yours into, no, this is how this is going to be seen by my strength and by my fortitude in doing this. So how do we do that in our lives?

Michelle:

So, I think the most important question that anyone can ask themselves is why do you want what you want? Right? And, and most of us go through, oh, I want, I want to have a better career. I want to apply better job. I want to have more money. But we often forget that everything that you want, there's a reason behind the why. Like why do you want it? What does that make you feel when you wanted? And I remember when I was on the trail that very same night, my tool leader sat me down. It is 10 out of the middle of nowhere. And he asked me like, now you have choice because you are walking so slow, you won't be able to catch up, cuz the second day is the harder. So how are you gonna be able to catch up?

So now you have two choices. Here are your two choices. One is you turn around and I can have someone escort you back. You know, you can still make it going back, or you're gonna have to push harder and you're gonna have to walk faster on day two. Because day two, you gotta need to catch up. And I'm sitting there trying to decipher all this. And both my wrists were burning because I just did a pushup for the whole entire day. I'm sitting there and asking the question, why, why do I want to do this? What would that make me feel if I were to able to actually complete this trail? And the first thing that came to my mind was, why I wanted to do this is I don't wanna come home and be laughed at.

I told everybody, I told the whole entire world, I'm going to Machu Picchu. Now, if I were to come back and say, you know what, I didn't make it, you know, I decided to turn back. That's like a big joke, right? Did you make this bar? You bought your ticket and you're not gonna complete the whole trail? So I was sitting there and my question, the answer to my why was that number one, I don't wanna go back. Going back was not a choice anymore. So why do I wanna do this? Because this is important for me. This is the moment where I get to decide how I want to live my life. I get to decide who I want to be, and I get to decide how I'm going to move forward. And I don't wanna come back. I don't want to go back anymore.

Marlana:

Love that. So where in there, because I'm sure along the way too, as we tell these stories to ourselves in our head about ourselves, and I'm sure imposter syndrome comes into play. What are your thoughts on all of that?

Michelle:

So, the imposter syndrome is real. And I do believe it is real. I, I did have this imposter syndrome because, you know, as far as my career achievement, I didn't just stop a high school graduate. I went all the way to get my doctor's degree, right? And I went all the way to live a life as a clinical pharmacist, and I have a roof over me. I have a stable income. You know, it's like a lifestyle that everybody dream of, but I didn't connect to it. And so that imposter syndrome to me was something like, oh, you're not good enough because you would never look the same as the girl next door.

That was my imposter. But you have to remember that an imposter is someone, it's something that we tell ourselves, but it's not, it's an external, it's a different entity. I like to think of it as an entity, right? It's something else. It almost sounds like we're intel. We just had Halloween. It almost sounds creepy. It's a different identity that our minds somehow believed and had identified it to it. So what had worked for me in my journey is that I started to separate out my imposter. So, it no longer becomes my voice of me. It's the voice of my imposter, whoever that looks like, whatever that looks like. And for my imposter, she looks like I call her she, and she is a Barbie doll, and her name is Daisy.

I even gave her a name. Daisies are beautiful. You know, Daisy, the Tipsy, that's how I call her because she has this beautiful Barbie doll. She looks in perfect shape and in every single way she has can, you know, in the driver's seat, they're going on the Mercedes <laugh>. So, Barbie is living the life of her dream. But Barbie is not me. I am this separate entity and I am fully capable of deciding what I want to do today that will make a difference in the world, the people around me. How I want to show up my imposter, mean my imposter. Daisy didn't just disappear. Daisy is still here. And every once in a while, Daisy is gonna come and check in with me and say, Hey, are you sure this is what you want to do? And what I would tell Daisy is, yeah, absolutely. And do you know what? You're gonna come with me because I need someone to check in with me all the time. So, so your imposter become this instead of an enemy or something that you are afraid of or afraid to have. Your imposter becomes someone who is there to guide you. They're acting as a guidepost so that every step that you go, you know, that you're making the most conscious choice.

Marlana:

So, talk to me too a little bit about because you coach women with power storytelling. How do we know, or how do we find the story within us that will resonate or that we can use as our secret sauce?

Michelle:

So, I love going back to car Ys theory of the brand art type. So people who are familiar with the personality art type, like the bricks and Meyer personality types they're total of 12 different archetype. And each one of us have all these 12 types living within us. But depending on your circumstances and situation, there may be one or couple that pretty dominant in the way that you interact with the world and the way that you see the world and perceive the world. And so, for me, you know, typically my default personality type is one of the warrior. But I don't just want to fight through. I have that gentle, tough love. So I often talk to my clients about, you know, I'm gonna love you, but I'm going to also push you off the cliff while holding your hand.

That's my typical go-to personality. When I see challenges, I embrace them. I welcome it. I think about, okay, so here's my challenge. What can I do to come up with a solution? So that's a very typical warrior or hero type of personality type. Now, you would have a different personality type that you use on a daily basis than you typically go to. It could be a caregiver, it could be a lover or romantic. It could be someone of an alchemist or magician who believe like, the world is such a beautiful place and we're here to transform everybody. Right? And depending on which type of personality you have or you use in your everyday life, you tend to attract certain individuals. And when you attract certain individuals, they're really attracted by the way that you speak, the way that you carry yourself, the way that you present yourself in everyday life.

So, for me, I often talk about the journey of being the hero, right? So, the heroes is Germany. And when people hear those stories, they connect to the hero journey because there's that bravery, there's that beautiful connection. There's beautiful overcoming adversity that comes out of that hero's journey. And they connect to it. Either they are looking to become the hero or maybe they're resonating with the words I'm using. So depending on how you carry yourself through your personality and, and you know, let's face it, every day, our personality, we just show up, right? And it's very comfortable. It's very easy. You don't have to do anything outside of you to become who you are not in order to have that personality of who you are. And that becomes very important in branding, in, you know, your visual, your imaging, how you carry yourself. So instead of being someone who's like, you know, not real, now you become real. And that is your secret sauce.

Marlana:

Interesting. You know, I had a gentleman on the show, and that's what we discussed too, is how knowing your personality type can benefit you. And so I actually did take that, and I wanna say, cause I'm an I N F J, and so I believe that's an advocate. Mm-Hmm. And so, it's interesting. So would you suggest to people that we do go through that exercise and find out what our personality type is so we can lean into that?

Michelle:

I think it's a fun way to know who you are. But keep in mind that your personality would change depending on your situation and different phases of our life, right? So if you were to think about life as a four season, every single one of us, would it be in a different season?

So, depending on which season of life you are in, your personality may shift a little bit. So just for fun, I would suggest going and checking it out. And it's just nice to know like, what's your dominant personality type? But in the most part, I think what is really saying is to really understand your underlying strength. You want to turn your strength, right? Because each of these archetypes, each of these characters or characteristics, it's speaking about a strength that you already have. So, what is your strength? And in branding or marketing, a lot of time we also walk people through that SWOT exercise, right? What is your strength, your weakness? What is the opportunity? What are some of the threats that you need to be aware of? So, think about your strength, right? Your personality is a strength to you. Who you are is very individualized. And your business, your brand, everything that you do, it's about you. If there's no you behind your business, there is no business.

Marlana:

What if we don't like the narrative as it stands? How do we change it?

Michelle:

So, a lot of that has to do with the way that we perceive things. What is it about that idea or that narrative that you don't like? Can you see any underlying strength behind it? What is it that you do? Like? So, what I usually like to do is take people through a reframe exercise. And I personally love journaling, so I would encourage people who haven't thought about journal think about writing a journal or just writing words down. There's something about the beauty of writing things now. So when you write down your narrative, go back and read it again, right? What is it that you are saying? How true is that? And you may say, well, this is completely true. Okay, that's decipher a little bit more.

Where did that idea come from? If it is true, is it your idea? Or is it someone like maybe some your mom had told you, or maybe you, you grew up thinking about this, right? So it's a reframe exercise by writing things down, writing your narrative down, and going back. And how would you rewrite it two different ways? So you write your initial narrative and go back to it, read it, rewrite that whole narrative again. Okay. And rewrite the second time. How would you say this in a more neutral or perhaps a little more positive or affirmative way? Positive affirmation. A little more affirmative. And, and sometimes, you know, that positive affirmation can be challenging for a lot of people. Then just do it neutral and put your shift on the neutral gear and just do it neutral, no judgment, and see what you come up with.

Marlana:

And I know that you have an exercise that you can go on your site and fill out to see what narrative we're even telling. So, tell us a little bit about that.

Michelle:

Yeah. So, that is a quiz. It's a personality quiz. It's Carl’s top art type personality. So once you complete the quiz, it basically tells you what your dominant story type is. And with that story, so I told a warrior story. So for a romantic, they would tell a romantic story. So depending on what story you're telling, you can use that element to attract the people into your life, to attract the clients that you want to work with, to attract people who resonate with your story. The story that you're telling cuz who you are, is going to be so much more powerful when you start just showing up.

And the story that you tell your audience is a reflection of the story you tell. And that quiz is attractclientsthroughstorytelling.com.

Marlana:

I will make sure that that link is in the show notes for anybody that wants to go and take your quiz, and I think I need to take your quiz.

Michelle:

It's a fun quiz.

Marlana:

So let me ask you this. If people get nothing else out of this episode, what would you like them to walk away with to harness your superpower?

Michelle:

Like every single one of us, we have a superpower that's inside the strength. What makes you different? What makes you unique? If you walk away with nothing else from this episode, you can truly start to believe in yourself. When you can just find that one single strength that you do so well, maybe you're washing dishes really well, that's a strength, right?

Nobody else can do that. And that is something that we're celebrating. Maybe you can write really well, nobody else can. Appreciate and celebrate that superpower your strength and hone it.

Marlana:

I think that's really important too, because what you just touched on is it can be something that to us may seem insignificant.

Michelle:

Yeah. But it's not in the grand scheme of things. Because if it's something that we can do that somebody else can't do, then it's significant to them.

Marlana:

Exactly. So, with that, Michelle, I just have four final questions for you. First one is, what's the best piece of advice you were ever given?

Michelle:

Oh my gosh! I would say that the best piece of advice is that Michelle, just clean up your bathroom, <laugh>, just clean up your bathroom. It's so filthy.

You got to go in there and clean it up. And it strikes me nuts if it's not clean. So, I rub it when I get stressed out, I go to my bathroom and rub it.

Marlana:

What is it about the bathroom?

Michelle:

Because you go and you see multiple times a day and there's like mural all around you. So, a lot of time I think it's shining on that imposter. Like, oh, I gotta do something about this. I gotta do something about this. In a way it's a good thing because then it motivates you to wanna get things done, right? If we were to see it negatively, then it's like, oh my gosh, you know, I feel ashamed, I gotta clean my bathroom. But in a positive way, it's like a reflection all around you. And this is the place where you spend most of your time. So why not let it shine? Why not make it better? Once again, rewriting the narrative.

Marlana:

Share with us one thing on your bucket list.

Michelle:

I would say, you know, funny you asked this question cuz I thrive in checking off my bucket list. I would say the next item on my bucket list is to hike Kilimanjaro. I've been thinking about that for many, many years. So, I would say hiking Kilimanjaro.

Marlana:

Wow! Just instead of going faster than the donkey, make sure you go faster than the cheetah.

Michelle:

I know, right? <Laugh>. I don’t know if I can do that, but I'll try.

Marlana:

When the toy companies finally get around to making an action figure of you, what two accessories will it come with?

Michelle:

Definitely a crutch. So, I walk with a crutch, so definitely a crutch. And the other accessory would be a dumbbell. I think every woman should have a set of dumbbells.

Marlana:

Why is that?

Michelle:

Because you are capable of changing light, that light bulb. You are capable of doing things, amazing things and that dumbbell is going to get you stronger. So just get up from your seat and just take a walk or do something that makes you feel good. And that dumbbell got me there. So that accessory needs to have a dumbbell and a crush <laugh>.

Marlana:

Love it. And the last one, how do people find you if they wanna work with you and tell us a little bit about your book.

Michelle:

Yeah, so they can definitely find me on my website@elevatelifecoaching.org and my book, it's a memoir, it's a journey of how I was, who I was up until before I became a coach. So, I talked a lot about what had happened, the accident, the places I grew up in, all my journey, you know, including some of the bad romance. And that's all in there, <laugh>. The name of the book is, Perfectly Normal and Immigrant Stories are Making it in America.

Marlana:

Love it. Thank you so very much for being here. You were such a delightful guest.

Michelle:

thank you so much for having me. This is fun. I like this.