Why Knowing Your Personality Type Helps You
My name is Anshar Seraphim and I teach High-Stakes Negotiation, Persuasive Psychology, Neuromarketing, Interpersonal Dynamics, and Communication. My past clients include celebrities from the entertainment industry in Nevada and abroad, C-Suites, corporations, and individuals who are looking to hone their negotiation skills and learn how the power of psychology, neuroscience, and interpersonal dynamics can help change the face of the way they do business.
Anshar Seraphim can teach you not only how to close the sale, but to build trust, rapport, and make one-time customers into lifetime clients. He has trained sales associates and managers in bridal and engagement ring sales for Kay Jewelers and Jared the Galleria of Jewelry and has two decades of experience in sales and communication.
After helping to break records for fundraising for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for Signet, the company that owns Kay Jewelers, he was invited by his district manager to do sales and negotiation training for all the stores in his immediate region, resulting in the training of hundreds of jewelry store associates and managers in the Pacific Northwest.
Interestingly, he has also worked in the legal brothel industry, training sex workers on how to apply psychological principles to their negotiations for full-service sex work. His negotiation and communication training was responsible for increasing the gross sales of the top booking legal sex workers in the United States by over 300%, a success so significant he was invited to organize and implement training for multiple brothel properties in Nevada.
Anshar didn't get his start in sales like most people do. When joining the US Navy, enlisting for their Cryptography program, he found out that he had undiagnosed autism that should have disqualified him for service after already becoming a sailor. With a heavy heart, he left his military career to learn more about his Autism diagnosis and how to overcome and cope with the challenges presented by it.
He went into information technology and worked at his local college, developing his communication skills and working one on one with college students and faculty in their disability services program. He tutored every subject, from calculus to electrical engineering to astronomy to organic chemistry, and used his systems knowledge to not only help those in academia but also work on his own personal development in his weakest area, dealing with people.
Anshar now does customized negotiation training as a consultant, speaks on emotional dynamics, and advocates for the benefits that neurodiverse hiring can bring to the world of business.
https://www.facebook.com/anshar.seraphim
www.marlanasemenza.com
Audio : Ariza Music Productions
Transcription : Vision In Word
Marlana
Anshar Seraphim teaches high stakes negotiation, persuasive psychology, neuro marketing, interpersonal dynamics, and communication. He can teach you not only how to close a sale, but to build trust rapport and make one-time customers into lifetime clients. So, if you're looking to hone your negotiation skills and learn how the power of psychology, neuroscience and interpersonal dynamics can help change the pace of the way you do business, this is the man you need. Welcome Anshar.
Anshar
Hi, how are you?
Marlana
I'm doing well. So, tell me, why is it so helpful to know our personality type?
Anshar
Well, you have a timeline. Basically, it's kind of like a spectrum. Some people argue that sexuality is on a spectrum, or the introversion and extraversion are on a spectrum, there are actually a few different elements of personality spectrum. And these are identified by Carl a long time ago. And it's not just introversion and extraversion. But it's also by intuition and sensing. So, do you process things, you know, with internal systems in your brain? Or are you focused on observing your environment? And then you’re thinking and feeling which, I think most people have a grasp of how those can kind of go on the spectrum? And then the last receiving a judge? Which means do you take different things and compare them to one another? Or are you interested in looking at things in their own context.
These are biases that in psychology, make the argument that almost up to 75% of personality can be genetic. So, what you're really doing is you're trying to identify the nature and nurture of your own psychology, the way that you evaluate things, you know, you may function better with metaphors, you may function better with narratives, you may function better with emotional or social proof. We're all convinced by different things. And one of the fundamental problems, because we have a kind of a default in our society of trying to treat other people the way that you want to be treated. And that's a great ethos. But it really only works when we're dealing with an absolute stranger. And we're just trying to make sure that we're considered of them will be treated the best way possible. So, we try to project our own value system on them. But when you start to get into psychology, you'll start to understand that that's not the reality.
The reality is that we all learn a different way, we all express ourselves a different way, we all use different processes in our judge in a different way. So, understanding your own cognitive biases from your personality, how you best communicate, can help you identified the kinds of people that you're going to have difficulty reaching with your default communication style. For example, your personality types are really good at conveying things to metaphor, but you come across another person who doesn't use metaphor at all, like you'll actually throw them off.
One of the things we'll move into, like training sales, because I've been doing sales for about two decades now is, you know, when someone gets first started in sales, the first-year mark of getting successful of sales is learning should be learning toolbox phrases, learning about your product or service, being able to answer the most common questions, we usually do that in your own voice. But when you move past that, and you already know what to say, then you can focus on how to say it. And that's where things get interesting, because when you start to understand the emotional and cognitive motivations, that go kind of behavior, what actually drives people to action, what creates a response to the amygdala, what creates memory resonance, what creates dopamine pathways, you start to understand that you can't use the same strategy with everyone the same technique that you can use to close one person will actually walk another.
So, when you start to move on to more advanced sets, more advanced negotiation, or advanced psychology, you start to identify how not only your own biases affect the conversation, but you'll also start to recognize patterns. You know, personality science and dynamics can get fairly complicated. But one of the interesting things about running a business or doing marketing or branding or going through a sales process, is you're not concerning yourself with all of psychology. What you're really trying to do is look at the packet stand to see your product, your service and what is the way that most people are going to react to that. And that's the only part of psychology that you need to worry about at first, which is How are people going to see your brand? Your message, your percentage? What are the most common reactions to that? What do those different manifestations of reaction look like? And then what information can you get from that.
When we work in sales, even if it's like a storefront or fueling emails are talking to clients, you'll start to hear a lot of the same kinds of responses to the information that we have to offer. And then you'll understand that different types of people with different perspectives and different needs are going to respond to your product or service in that particular way. And then you can start to mentally plan ahead and know what to do when that reaction happens. And I think all of that starts with your own personal inventory of understanding your own personality, because that's going to be conveyed in your image in your craft as well.
Marlana
Okay, I know my personality type. So, how do I lean into that, to grow my personal brand?
Anshar
Just to take a step back, for stretching your viewers, we were just talking about this, those particular dynamics, that those are the soft, dark types. And so that was developed in much the same way, you know, you go back, decommission either 1850s in Denmark, or something like that, you had people who were statisticians, and census takers, who were interested in things about bodies. And so, they learn to apply the Body Mass Effects, and you can ask the doctor getting started to look closer at that, it's not necessarily a good indicator of health, it just kind of gives you an idea. Well, personality science is the same. You know, when Carl Jung first talked about it, he identified 16 different personality types. Introversion, extroversion, intuitive, all that, then he also made the earmark of saying we have an unconscious personality type, then we have a conscious personality type. And what that means is that you have the ability, depending on the situation that you're at, to create your marks and changes to your personality. And a lot of us do it without thinking about it.
You know, if you're an introvert person, you take a public speaking class, or maybe you're not super fantastically sales or, numbers and concrete ideas and signals to the seller association class, you're in the process of creating a new personality that you're going to use in that specific situation. And you'll see it in the affectations of person, you have a few if a person goes up for public speaking, let's say they're an introvert, you're going to see them use completely different gesticulations, different facial expressions, different idioms. And so, you have control over your own personality, and the best way to showcase that, and you'll be able to identify your strengths and weaknesses in that way. And so, part of building your own plan is building the personality of that brand.
I think that when we go through the process of doing that, a lot of us make the mistake of selling ourselves, we think that that's the objective, you know, that we want to find all the meat and wonderful things about ourselves, transmit that to someone else. But there's a critical error. And that's that first person always have to think about is who we're talking to, we have to create an avatar of the different kinds of people who are going to be interested or information, what their common pain points, trends, objections, hopes, fears, desires are, and then we have to be able to tarp those things to be able to reach those people. And when we take our personal inventory, that's when we identify your strengths, because we want to be able to talk to those specific people to be able to impress upon them, the importance of your good or service. And that's where we're being selected as important.
I think a good metaphor is like metaphors is Stephanie Meyer, that when she wrote Twilight, she really thought about her target audience. You know, she was writing a vampire romance novel for teenage girls. So, she had to think to herself, okay, so I have to use language that successful teenagers, I need to use imagery and successful the teenagers. But she also did something really smart. When she started talking about Bella character. She was very, very devoid of specific details, even though she was speaking with the first person. And that's so that everyone was looking at that story and reading it, have you been putting themselves into that role? And that's one of the reasons that the book was so successful. So, I think it's about getting into your prospects hat and understanding what it is that's important to them. Then identifying that because sometimes you'll serve vastly different groups of people. but never want to work.
When I work with entrepreneurs or C suites, they have to be able to not only communicate with clients from very diverse people, everything from highly educated people that they can go into great detail with to people that they have to get incremental bias. And you have to identify, you know, what camp do the people that you are most trying to reach? What camp do they fall, and then you have to create a communication strategy based off of anytime that you create a communication strategy you have to think about in our assets, weaknesses. And I think that starts with personal stories. So, talking about the union archetype, we use the Myers Briggs for that. Myers Briggs weren't psychologists themselves, they examined research and tried to come up with an easy, systematic way to map that. And it's not a pigeonhole, once you identify what your strengths and weaknesses are, you can capitalize on those to create a public persona, to be able to work on your weaknesses, to be able to better reach your target audience. And I think that's a key part of developing your own brand, because it's what starts the narrative of the sale and negotiation, or the conversation about leadership.
Marlana
So, I did take the test, and I came up as an INFJ. I guess that I can be different things in different situations. Does that INFJ stay at the core all the time, or?
Anshar
Sure, I'll discuss that. You know, what's interesting about INFJ is it's actually the rarest personality type. It's kind of like being Sherlock Holmes, but with emotions and feelings. And what's interesting is your average INFJ is so natural process of empathy that they don't even realize that they're doing. And was the reason you have to be aware of it is that if you get an T type, it's someone's very concrete in logic, itself, I'm an INTJ. It's more difficult for me to connect motional states and a person who doesn't know you very well, when you start to turn that empathy a lot, they can feel screwed by that. And so, you have to be able to watch, know your reaction. But once you have that baseline, you know, you know that you're a highly intuitive, Empath, essentially, then you start to learn some things about yourself.
For example, as an INFJ, if you're really careful about things that are current in your environment, you know, infJs people love to look at themselves in the mirror and talk themselves into something where have a motivational poster on the wall. You know, they can't listen to the wrong song on the radio, because it'll put it back in the day. You have to take a little bit more careless imperative. And I think the stark difference between an INTJ and INFJ because we are too introverted types of blog content. But the fact that you haven't focused on emotions that focus on the concrete means that there are specific situations where we're going to have a communication disconnect. I think that's exciting.
The only way that we're relevant is what we find MFI the gaps that we have the situations that we don't accelerate it. And we want to put ourselves in situations as much as we can live with those favorable circumstances that we can't. I think we've all had that experience in sales, where you have a light, it's almost like a light comes down. Everything is easy, we just sell our product or service that every item, everything possibly get. And when you're done, you're celebrating, but at the same time, you're asking yourself, why can't all sales be like that? And 20 years of experience for me is to find the answer to that question. And the answer is that when people are more IQ, they give you imaginary credit, when you sit down and you have a simple back world or a similar experience, we start to get closer to one another in our peer groups, it affects us sociologically. And if you can understand as an INFJ, how to focus on different parts of your personality so that you can relate to people, especially the people that are hardest for you to relate to. And you'll be able to start those conversations on the right foot, put your skills to the best use, and then whatever it is that you can work on, that is that conscious personality.
So, whether it's you are focusing on being comfortable speaking in front of 100 people are being comfortable dealing with a really like intense, fact-based person who's not going to be emotionally swayed events, they have cognitive dissonance that they have to get over. That's really important. But I think the thing that holds people back from success is their own objections, their uncommon systems, and you have to discover and be a detective and figure out what kinds of beliefs you have as far as your This centuries concern whether or not those beliefs are actually, in fact, let's test them. And which of them are standing in the way in which political and law strikes. So that's why I tell people to take their own personality test. And there's lots of different ones out .
I have a preference to the Union one just because it's so widespread so that this that it's very easy to identify with communication styles with different type combinations for client. But there are a number of other different types of personalities systems out there, I think the primary takeaway is understanding that your personality is, frankly, wanted to or not, and that you have to figure out whether or not that personality stance is adamant to the people that you're trying to reach? And if it does, what do you need to work on change, alter, or present differently in order to be able to not exclude those people?
Marlana
Oh, interesting! So, let's say I meet someone, if it's all fine and good that we know our own personality type, how do we identify in someone else, how they need information communicated to them?
Anshar
Well, you know, people give you all kinds of clues. And one of them is that we all operate off of that fundamental problem of trying to treat other people like the way that we want to be treated, you see in relationships too, you know, I might be that person who I feel super love relationship when I come home, and the kitchen is spotless, you know, because it means that someone put some real effort into something matters in my space or something like that. But if I then clean the kitchen, show my partner that I care about them. And that's not important to them, I could literally spend all day on something and feel very proud that they walked out the door. And that's not important to them at all, they walk past it. And that's how communication problems arise.
So, I think that that personal imagery starts there. But the other part of it is that your product or service is going to cause specific psychological reactions in different types, for example, and I'm sure that you struggle with this, because you're the industry that we've been talking to them about their brand, if they're intensely introverted and logical, they may be convinced that the thing that they're interested in selling, is going to be able to pass on its own merit. It's too strong it and they don't understand that someone needs to see a face of trust, that there are a set of emotional objections that that for someone's going to listen to that maybe some people need social proof, they need to see other people, you know, underwriting, your credibility, your trust, that you have to go through those different, because we all have different emotional reactions, robotic approach something that reassurance accomplishment and characteristics and more challenging self-identity trust, reassurance, I need to be reassured that I have enough information, and I have enough executive power to make a decision before I feel confident doing otherwise.
You know, accomplishment, this thing, but it takes care of the concrete goals that I have, or not character maintenance, and like wanting to be socially elevated or socially denigrated by others, based on the service, based on spending money come from a market bizarre economy, at least in the amount of money that they spend on something affects their self-esteem. Then you get into immortality, what's the pervasive balance? Is this going to be a drop in the bucket? And it's the pleasure that's gone? Where is this going to be persistent value, and some people will only spend that amount of time or effort if it's persistent value, you know, self-identity is a solution. That speaks to me specifically where when I saw it, I'm doing it because if it doesn't appeal to my unique needs, then it's essentially worthless.
Then trust is a person actually trust you authority on that set, to give you that power to be able to affect their narrative. And sometimes people don't know what their emotional objections are, and that can be a problem coming up with your own brand. If you don't know what your own objections are, maybe you're intimidated by website design. And so, you convince yourself that you don't need a website. Or maybe you're intimidated by being in front of a camera of interest your face, so you never really put pictures in your product. I once worked with an Italian energy company, and their entire website had not a single human face on it, because they believe as Asian leaders, who providing value proposition to other people enough to catch their attention. And that can certainly work on certain demographic people, but not all people.
So, I think that sapiens is really important for that reason. It changes your presentation that changes, things that you look for in your product, but it also starts to make more sense of that formula that you see people make themselves present on different types of social Your platforms, they speak to different parts of their target demographic. They have their social and private from trusted sources. Trisha, you're trustworthy.
I think that one of the cool things about studying psychology is you understand certain things, but you don't necessarily put them in context, you tell you get a burst of information. But sometimes we speak to the people that might not meet our advice as much as the people who believe it, you know, if you look at the bell curve distribution, and assembly have an average IQ of 90 total fine. And in our culture, that means what that bell curve distribution that 15% of the population has an 85, or lower IQ. Are you coming up with a message that comes across to them to, you know, there's a reason that people put the price and value proposition over multiple opportunities, multiple products? Because they don't. It's almost like a check question. You know, how do I overcome that I've done that simplistic enough way of speaking with right audience. And that's my packaging of the things to do, and putting them into different places, creating systems of arising at that place that are different for different avatars, that can be really important. Because let's say you have to target demographics that are vastly different. Maybe you need to have a completely different web page, you know, you're offering exactly the same service, one narrative for one person, one for the other. And I think examining that process is the only way that you're going to be able to do that. And part of that is examining yourself, I'll start with you.
Marlana
Let me ask you this, because this question arose when you were speaking, let's say we have a product or service, and we are looking to grow our brand, should we pay closer attention to the thing that we fight the most on? Let's say, for example, if you said, the company that you were working with in Italy didn't have one image of a person, or the people that think that I don't need to be the face of my brand or company, because it's irrelevant. The thing that we dig our heels in the most, should we give that closer attention, because that could that be something that really needs our attention.
Anshar
I think that people get so motivated, and so boxed, it's hard to get people to take action. So, when they finally do, it's usually because they've been dragging around. And we can forget that other people will look slightly different way. And I think the most neglected stop just market research, you know, once you have an idea of who it is that you're speaking to, and that's important, then you need to find a group of very, very honest, or very, very random people with a large enough sample size, who come from that demographic. And then you need to listen completely divested of your own emotional idea, and just listen to what they have to say.
There are lots of different services and stuff out there that will offer that for you. There are places that you can go that will pay each person goes to take a look at your consent, this amount of time, you'll earn four bucks or whatever. And they will talk about completely without you their, their impression of yourself, you know, how is the information is coming across, you know, what is this product? You know, there's an old saying in business, “if you can't explain your business value proposition to a six year old, and have them explain it to another six year old that have both the six year old understand what it is that you're selling, not only are you going to have difficulty selling, but you may not have narrowed down that message well enough to be able to transmit it.”” Because we have to take things down to the essence. First you have to you have to incrementally get people bought in the steps. And you always try to not overwhelm to you want to try to focus on smallest front facing part of what it is that you can do in order to get them involved in narrative and then their own interest to further
Marlana
love it. You said that we get different clues from different people on what their communication style is. So, how do we pull on those threads to start to bridge the gap and make the connections?
Anshar
So first, you have to identify what the biggest difficulties in communicating from your perspective to a different perspective. And then you need to address those what are they specifically? The item was identified. You know, a lot of us can tell when we're not getting through to someone, but we don't always know why. And I think that's about listening.
One of the things that we deal with sales a lot as we work on questions, you know, it's very important before you move from one step of the process to the max that you take a second to gauge interest, take a second, make sure that there are more questions, take a second, make sure that you're on the same page. Because sometimes we can be so excited about getting to the finish line, that we don't let other people put our foods. And when you're selling something that's fairly simple, or self, self-demonstrative and self-self-explanatory, it can be easy. But one of the hardest things, especially if your product, or you're trying to show one is different, you have to get people to follow along long enough to be able to not only interested in that but know why that's important.
Why is it important for you different buyers, the work, we talked about the beginning, you know, people try to sell themselves, it's not about selling yourself, it's about finding people that you're serving, finally, what it is that you're going to do for them. And then finally, once you get out you that you'll be able to do to be able to promulgate that. And that's when you think we get wrapped up in our own ego, and just think that we need to sell ourselves. And I think maybe social media is putting us to that perspective, too.
Marlana
I think you read all the messages in my head and the things that I say to my clients, because I always say that what I do for them is I bridge the gap in images between what makes you unique, and what your audience needs to know. So, when we know these bits of information about ourselves, how do we lean into the things that are serving us? Do we try and shore up the things that are not? Or is it kind of a delicate balance?
Anshar
I think that if you can create a list, for example of things that you really want your prospect to know, or to be on the same page with. And you listen for that feedback to market research, you're going to find parts of your message that are already easily conveyed. You know, if it's a fairly simple product or service, maybe someone already knows when business. But sometimes they don't know what the benefits of the profession are. Or sometimes they don't know the benefits of actually investing. Or, you know, you have to be able to identify their objections are. And I think that that's what guides you if you start with the people that you're aiming for their product or service and you move backward if you can evaluate the successful sales success, interaction and move backward from that need back or from the desired result. Sometimes that can obviate some of the steps that should say, and I think that that step of going backward is really important too. Because sometimes we forget things along the breadcrumb trail, we forget that social connections, for example, are an important part of reaching goals. You know, ask yourself who could be a great person to update this product? Who speaks to this demographic that I'm talking to that is going to help trust me? And how do I connect with that person? does that person have gatekeepers? And that's how we get into the mindset for public relations and marketing.
I don't think a lot of people know this, but that a lot of people have never heard the guy named Edward Bernays is the nephew of Sigmund Freud. And, you know, well, a lot of Freud's theories, kind of discarded as we move through the psychology, his tangential exposure to psychology made him ask the question, how do we use psychology to affect the world business. And if you go back to Edward Bernays is, a lot of people think of him as the father of public relations industry with negative depression, because it involves smoking something that necessarily pretty positively up now. But back in his time, it was very negatively perceived for them to smoke. And so, he started thinking about group dynamics, sociology, and psychology, and he would go to women's liberation and freedom marches. And he would pay women to smoke and cold torches of freedom. And then he went on to deal with a lot of the entertainment industry and start to get the tobacco companies to start integrating products, cigarettes into the media, and every time that there was a strong or assertive woman, you know, or someone who's being assertive with their sexuality. They put a sick member’s hand, so a lot of those black movies have an oppressive woman having a cigarette in their hand. And it changed the cultural perception of the product. So, he learned how to use psychology to not only change the way that this product is perceived to be able to create and for but also know, why this do these people don't want like, why do they not want it? Well, it's got a negative social perception. We'll have to address that. Who do I need to reach to address that? How do I change the public narrative? What kinds of things are people looking up to for their behavior? And if you do that with your product or service, you'll have a completely different perspective of how we'll approach it. But if it means taking the ego out of it and realizing that it's about who it is that you're trying to serve, first and yourself.
Marlana
Fascinating! So let me ask you this. Let's say, the sales that went really well, here's our avatar and everything is swimming along. Is it more beneficial to get feedback from them, or get feedback from the people that we perceive as our avatar but have objections to find out what their objections are, or to kind of marry the two?
Anshar
I think it's both. I think that one of the most important things about staying on top of your own sales process standard image is, you always want to be asking yourself after what went well, and what could have gone back. And I think that that's why peer dynamics are so important, you want to resolve yourself, that group of fellow entrepreneurs or someone with industry, or because you want to be able to bounce that process off someone else. And if you don't have it, you can speak to a house planter, and family, dog or whatever, but you have to go verbally into that process. And it does a couple of things for you.
The first and you learn a little bit about this when you study psychology of cognitive neuroscience, but emotional priming, from memory, the memory system of the human brain is basically a stressful porch, evolutionarily, as parasol goes up as we go, as we start to get stressed out by stuff or environment, memory system goes into overdrive, because it's like, oh, here's something that might help us survive in the future. If you get chased up a tree by a lion, it'll be a while before you forget about that. And that same evolutionary system that served us, while also has us, you know, with our pillows, with one eye open at two o'clock in the morning, saying, Man, that job review I had 10 years ago was super terrible. You know, it's very easy for us to remember all of our failures, but not necessarily all of our successes. And that can kind of change our cognitive belief system because don't think that you remember, our negative experiences or failures or challenges, and you don't take the time to dwell in and celebrate positive success, you're gonna have very, very warped view, not just of your own success, but yourself.
It's very important to kind of counter that biological process. And it's also by examining what if things went well, or it could have gone better? Whatever, you can identify the stock Genovese, you can recognize patterns. And you have to have a person in your life that's asking questions doesn't necessarily need to be a sales or negotiation trainer. So, having that person, find how did the conversation start over their initial concerns? What were their initial questions, you notice anything that stood out about them? And did you use that information presented and said, what could have gone better or differently even when you have a success? Let's diagnose that, because sometimes, if a person says yes, they could have said yes, to walk more, and experienced salespeople will be happy and excited.
The sales managers sit down for hours costly. And this will $10,000 more for the last three questions. Now, I used to do engagement rate training for changer, I used to ask sales associates, you know, did you sell it to clarify? And they say, No. And I said, Well, how many two carat diamonds Did you present today? And they're like, not? So how are you going to sell it to carat diamond never show? You know, you have to come up with a way of being able to get yourself through that process and find out what your goals are your outcomes and what you want out of that process, rather than I think you have to type of stuff to someone else. I think sometimes having that person have a different personality with you or different approaches, because you get a different insight. But even the process of just going through a poll right now will help you celebrate your successes and have a more balanced view of your business model. I think that's crucial.
Marlana
And I just have to ask this, let's say, as we go through, at what point, or does it depend on the personality, can we ask for a sale?
Anshar
Well, I think that talking about agonist antecedents, agonist is a broad term from organic chemistry, but a huge, so when we have something that affects that our prospects, they're all going to react to certain psychological ways. For example, do one of the stupid human tricks that I can do, because I have autism. So, I like puzzles, special contrasts. And if I go to like a coffee shop or something like that, and I do a route to like, do you want to like 90 seconds, I will get the same eight or nine comments from all the people who watch me.
I just take the stickers off or institute that person, kid, or I knew someone that rice was younger, or they'll make like a denigrate jokes themselves feel better. Or they'll just choose a topic where there's a few specific psychological reactions. Speaking with Steve Simmons, not that long ago, he talked about being a bouncer as a doorman. And he learned to identify specific characteristics and the people that were coming up to the door, that will tell them if you know, if they were going to start traveling, or if they're going to spend money, or what their response to that is. So, I think that, once you have a stable situation going on with your funnel, you're gonna have a specific set of reactions that happen to that. And then you need to be able to deep dive into each one of those reactions and see how they're helping your sales process, and whether or not the close different. chat questions are also really good because they kind of help you identify a trial flow.
This is really important; we sometimes think that we're only supposed to close. If you try closing in the middle, and you do it in a non-pressured way, then as long as you're keeping that conversation positive, and you're consumed with that person, they'll bring up things that they have discussed yet nothing's important to them. A trial close is really important because it lets you know where you are. If you’re running a big enough organization that can have multiple salespeople, it can also be perfect turnover happens before the sales process starts, before you start investing your map. But sometimes you don't know, if you have someone else to turn over to is a better fit, or it explains a particular objection or something better or team cellular, you have to know what your options are ever figured out. I think the most damaging to us, we can jump into a school. And if we're just giving the same exact words, phrases, functions, facial expressions, and it's common for introverts, I'm sure you know, you get yourself in a particular situation. And it's almost like you have a lunchbox and you're filling out specific phrases. No use in that situation. Because otherwise being in an extroverted situation, no overwhelming. But you've got to identify what it is that you need to set it so that you can change how it is you say it, the kind of person that you're talking to. And that's when we move up to the next level of research to incorporate psychology, we start to understand people's biases.
I think one of the hardest things is a paraphrase Jonathan Swift here, you can't talk someone out of something, using watch it if they didn't use logic to talk themselves into the first place. And I think as an INFJ, that's why we're powerhouse, because you could change the emotional narrative to see if someone stuck up feeling. But you may not necessarily recognize cognitive systems. And that's where an NT type comes in, the enemy will use your strength map, we talked about using a personality strength, you'll have a really good sense of emotional air. And that's one of the other reasons that even if you're doing an online work, it's really important to do that market research and to talk to actual people and find out what their actual emotional responses are. Because we can start to kind of dissect the sales process like a dead frog lap. And that doesn't tell us, so we have to keep our finger on the pulse of perfect.
Marlana
Brilliant! And with that Anshar, I just have four final questions for you. First one, what is the best piece of advice you're ever given?
Anshar
People are not against you, they're for themselves. I think it was Juan de la Bucha said people are often treacherous through weakness, recalculation. I think that especially if you have a lot of challenges, I mean, because I was like 75% with ASD post, like loud and I grew up in a house for music teachers. For sensory overload constantly, like I've had a really interesting journey, I think my driver's license tell us a story. I think that it's easy to identify adversaries, and we want to put a label on them so that we can just cap their opinions, or that we can feel better about that you have that adversarial relationship, some of us have a lot of difficulty with the idea that someone doesn't like us, or that someone doesn't like what we do or doesn't want what we do.
A lot of that process has a lot more to do with the internal system of validation and an internal belief system of that person, trying to be happy, and trying to choose the things that are important to them. And they will only learn behaviors that they're assaulted with as a result that matters. I think it can really take things personally, we try to get average of people with that when we can identify that they went through their own process. Then maybe it's a desperate misunderstanding in that process that's causing them to do a behavior that hurts us. I think once we stopped taking things personally, we start to get clearer. And I think that's one of the things I love about psychology. It's taught me more about myself too.
Marlana
share with us one thing on your bucket list.
Anshar
I do a lot of speaking on neuro diversity in the workplace, on communication on self-development, changing cognitive belief systems, reinventing yourself. Because I used to be friends, you make eye contact people. So, I think that being recognized in public at random by someone with touched and it's made a difference for them personally, that the suffering of the process and all the steps that I have to go through with being fed myself, that process has saved someone else going through that same process, and that it's touched them in some way. And I get to have a stranger coming up to me and telling me how I've changed their life like that forever does that bucket list.
Marlana
That's beautiful. When the toy companies finally get around to making an action figure of you, what two accessories will it come with?
Anshar
Well, because I like puzzles, and I get into complicated systems and action figures, usually pantomimes of that I suppose there probably be a Rubik's Cube one hand. And then I think having to come to terms with my own sensory processing disorder with autism has played a really big step for me. Being able to recognize my limits, myself and recognize it students singles take me off to the close from meltdown to my students, because I think being able to get out of perspective and see the world through different eyes is one of the things that allowed me to step out of that place. So, that affectations, personality, and presentation by process.
Marlana
Love it. And last one, how do people find you?
Anshar
The flashlight, I will say, easiest way to find me is, I had posted a few select two videos here and there. But I've learned something from because I design a fully integrated online virtual selling system with a partner. I've done hundreds of hours of a one on one, sales, negotiation, coaching, all that kind of stuff.
I have come to learn that if people don't seek you out, if people don't have their own impetus for contacting you, and have their interest, if they don't pay for advice, they're not willing to follow up. And so, what I tried to, because I have a little bit of me being a consultant, and right now, I'm working with like 15 or 20 clients. I mean, that's almost my maximum load. So, not only does someone need to be able to write me and be seeking out that information, already bought it and know what my time is worth. But then I also have to take a look at all of my liabilities and responsibilities and make sure that I can devote the right amount of time to that person. And because my time is so important, personal to me. I use my email and they'll say I don't have some big phone No, because I'm not trying to hurt a bunch of PBN.
When you start selling yourself, your own time, your own attention, the limited resources you and you have to decide what scale looks like, do I train for people that are racism and have them sorted out? Do I try to encapsulate things in videos, get people to download it? And the kind of help that I offer is so personalized, like, I don't know whether you know this or not, but I designed the psychological selling system that they use over the legal brothels. And that is a slightly different industry with different emotional concerns and very specialized. And so, you know, you can't just bundle that up and send it off multitier email or increase your closing percentage, you have to dive and talk with that particular people about what the common objections are, what the this narrative sale looks like, what are the demographics, what are the most common situations, they find themselves in what's challenging, you know, what stands to the pediment to the shape of a customer's budget, we're building emotional work, get rid of an adversarial relationship in that industry. And then it's only when you understand those dynamics about your business, that the power of psychology, interpersonal dynamics, and your market that is useful to you. So, I only work with people who are self-aware enough to know that they need help, and to see the value of my help.
If they can't see those things, and they're not interested in buying and interested with them first place. And I like that specifically, I'm already in two decades have gotten to that place where people write me down sometimes. And I like that, I like that it empowers meeting people to take charge polls scheduled, took a long span of time. But I think that it also creates the impact. And you have to think about your service, you're good at your service, how does it impact people? I think that you have to personalize that you're going to talk to people about you can just sit and give a generic lecture on no sales. And you know, I'm not a motivational speaker that way, I think that you have to understand how psychology can help you do this that you do. You know, there's all kinds of different aspects to it to what kind of colors do you use? You know, what kind of psychological impressions does your website give? Are you using micro expressions? Have you taken time to take a look at some of the verbal crutches or just to fill in crutches or facial crutches that you've used in your own accurate interacting with people? And are you able to see how that's affecting national data? Are you recording now with the permission of the other person, your sales interactions so that you can take a look at the psychological impact of communication after you identify with that process?
If a person knows that they need all of those things, the only way I'm going to deal with the help was with my email. And so that's just my first name and my last, thing was a period in the middle@gmail.com, anshar.seraphim@gmail.com. That said, really easy.
Marlana
Love it. Thank you so much for spending time with us today. And thanks for everything.
Anshar
Of course! Absolutely! And the funny of the follow up questions, or the biggest request for me to come back or something. I'm more than happy to do that.
Marlana
Thank you!